Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
