Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
