She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize