just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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