so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
