there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
