Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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