I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
