love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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