im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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