someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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