Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
