I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
