I would go down on you faster than GM stock
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
