i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You ate ashes out of my bong
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
