He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize