recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
