So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
