how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
