Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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