can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she smelled like a LAN party
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
