Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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