the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
