My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize