I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
