I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
