Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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