Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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