I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize