Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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