There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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