the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
