and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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