You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
