it was like eating out sand paper
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
