Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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