I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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