go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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