i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
