Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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