just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Randomize
