I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
