I have demons in me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
