Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
