A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
