turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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