my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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