Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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