and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
