im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
