Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
