dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
