I'm gonna have a badass scar
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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