there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize