Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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