Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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