we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
