Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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