I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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