Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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