hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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