we have officially lost it.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
