apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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