just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
