Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
