Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
