I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I stole a fireplace last night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
