TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
