Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I pour the whiskey from now on
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
