genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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