Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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