Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
