you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
