I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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