Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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