so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
