The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
