I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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