can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
