It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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