i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
