Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
