it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
