I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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