he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The police scanner is talking about you again....
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
