a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
