wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
