i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
