Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So apparently I’m into choking now
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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