I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
