oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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