I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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