I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
