i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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