I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize