I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
